ADHD Monster: you suck.

Sorry about the lack of real posts the last week or so. It seems like the ADHD monster crawled out from under the bed and ate me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fighter; but between

AD/HD
anxiety and
depression

a blog just seems like one more thing on the “to do” list. Granted it’s so much better than the kitchen that, other than a few loads of dishes, I’ve barely touched. It’s much better than the laundry pile that is slowly but surely overtaking my bedroom. It’s better than listening to my daughter tell me some random story which I must respond to every sentence, though if I get my “line” wrong she dissolves into tears.

I kinda suck as a Mom this week.

You know that fabulous dinner menu I posted? It’s been great. But it gave me a little too much sense of thriftiness, so I spent all the rest of the money on stupid crap
(such as toys for my whiny daughter so she would give her old toys to my other whiny daughter, only to have my older whiny daughter come home and say ‘never mind’ to the whole deal).
So now I don’t have money for the rest of the stuff I need this month.
{It’s a good thing my husband doesn’t have much time to read this blog.}

I kinda suck as a wife this week, too.
And a homemaker.
A housecleaner.
A cook.
A human being who gets dressed for the day and
doesn’t take a nap at eleven a.m.

Yup, I suck at all of that.  

I’m so mad and frustrated and tired. I don’t know if my anxiety/depression medication is not working correctly–I recently switched to the $140/month brand name to the $4/month generic–or if my AD/HD medicine isn’t working. I used to be able to get things done in the morning but lately I just can’t. Do I need the newer (and more expensive) AD/HD medicine that gives me a longer lasting, more steady dosage, but no “get up and go” in the morning? Would I get anything done without that chemical rush? (I’m pretty sure I’m not a drug addict, despite how this all sounds.) Or do I need even more anxiety medicine? Different medicine?

I hate messing around with meds. The trying, waiting, dealing with new side effects, deciding if those side effects are worse than the old ones, or if the side effects are outweighed by the benefits.

I hate posting all of this on my blog, but I try to remind myself that it’s the reason I have this blog. People shouldn’t just see the fake “perfect” me, the me that crafts and creates and cooks and educates (I ran out of hard C words there). I wanted this blog to represent me as I am, ADHD, crazy, slobby, an an all around mess of a person.

Which sounds fine in my daydreams, but when it comes to writing it all down it just feels extra sucky.

An educated person might recommend I try therapy. Then I’d have to educate that educated person on my lack of money and child care (which takes even more money) and as dreamy and wonderful as therapy sounds right now, it’s about as unrealistic as me returning to school and getting an education myself.

Uh oh, I’m being called. I have just informed my name is Preoria in this game.
I hope I don’t suck at that, too.

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10 Responses to ADHD Monster: you suck.

  1. Madolyn says:

    I just wanted to tell u thank u for writing this post! I think I love u! Everything u said I have felt and this week has been particularly awful. Thank u for showing me I am not alone.

    • Thank you for being kind enough to respond. It is so comforting to hear that someone else is in the muck with me. It’s especially comforting to know that my post full of self-pity and suckiness helped someone, even in a small way. Stick around. Let’s be friends. :)

  2. Eddie says:

    I just wanted to say that I’ve been there, and to send you a big hug. Weeks where you feel like nothing is working the way it “should” really suck.

  3. Shandra says:

    It’s SO nice to see someone posting about the reality of things. I’ve been dealing with postpartum depression after having my 4th child and it does SUCK! I can’t imagine dealing with ADHD on top of that, so I’ve got to give you kudos for dealing with all of it! I wanted to let you know that I just sent the link for your preschool curriculum to all of my sisters-in-law to share with their kids because I thought they were awesome! And I had to giggle when I saw that you call this blog “Confessions of a SLACKER mom” when you actually take the time to write preschool curriculum! You’re not a slacker and it’s okay for us to have our crappy days. Good luck finding the best way to deal with everything for YOU!

    • Thank you so much Shandra! You have to consider though, just what exactly is going on while I’m making preschool curriculum? NOT cleaning the house, that’s for sure!! Lol. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with your depression. It’s so draining, I can’t imagine having a new baby at the same time! And thanks especially for sharing my blog. I really appreciate it!

  4. L says:

    Would you be willing to talk(e-mail) with me about depression/anxiety. I tried talking to my hubby but he just does not understand. I think it would be nice to talk with someone who has been through it. I know this sounds crazy because I don’t even know you or you me and yah I feel a little silly asking you can feel free to say no.

  5. Krista says:

    This is me, for basically the past two years. Turns out my brother was just diagnosed with ADD, and the nutritionist who is working with us (we like to avoid medication at all costs) basically said that my mom has the same problem. They have yet to say anything about me, but I definitely have PPD, which is treated with the same diet, so… yeah.

    I totally understand not having enough energy to do anything, and then simply not wanting to do anything, because everything’s just going to get messed up again, but then you feel guilty for not doing anything, so then you try to get a load of laundry through, because that’s they chore that takes the least amount of brain power, but by the time you start one load in the washer, your just exhausted, and can’t handle anything that comes your way.

  6. JWM says:

    I definitely admire your transparency. I struggle with this, among many other things. I would love to hear anything you have to share concerning your ADHD. I am convinced (along with my mother who frequently makes comments of how I should have been medicated as a child, but that is another story) I suffer from ADHD. While I am convinced of this, I am a little uneasy about approaching a doctor about it. I’d love to hear anything you have to share! Thanks again for your great blog!

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